Fighting Emotions

I woke up this morning like I always do. The last few weeks have been so heavy and I made it through, even though it was extremely difficult.

I deal with feeling lonely, a lot, this is a different type of loneliness where I completely feel abandoned even though I know that I’m not.

The battle of having faith is trying to find the yes in a painful situation. It’s trying to push through and make a decision to persevere when your emotions got you so heavy that your body almost feels paralyzed. It’s when you can actually feel that last bit of hope slipping through your fingers but you decide to hold onto it.

The mustard seed Faith at its finest. Thankfully with Christ, that’s enough.

I woke up this morning heavy hearted, trying to force myself to feel happy. I’m sad, I feel like my life is shattering into pieces. Yet, I opened up this scripture that I shared above.

Consider ( to take into account) it pure joy (the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires), when you face trials of many kinds.

Tested Faith, produces perseverance. Tested Faith.

When I was in school, no matter how much I studied or prepared, I never was a fan of tests. I use to get extremely anxious and then as soon as the test came I would forget the answers.

Once I calmed my mind and read each question with intention, then I remembered, I recalled the information. Then I answered them, still not knowing the outcome.

When the test came back to my surprise I passed with flying colors.

This scripture helped me see that I am going through the trial, during a trial you take the time to learn everything about the case that is before you. I’m embracing the diagnosis, even though it’s hard, I’m going to learn what I can and advocate for myself and others, so when the test comes, I may or may not know all the answers but I will persevere.

I will remain strong and trust God in the process.