I got into my car this morning and my oil light was on. Since I recently had an oil change I figured I’d go back to where I went to get it topped off and looked into. Sure enough the oil was low.
The mechanic let me know that the seals in my car were leaking and need to be changedI asked her what did that mean and she kind of got a little snippy and let me know she isn’t a car mechanic that she does oil changes. I looked at her and said “Don’t yell at me, I have MS and I just don’t feel good today.” Then like an idiot I proceeded to break down and cry.
I apologized and a look of empathy came over her face and she kindly explained everything. She then topped off my oil and gave the information to a mechanic that can fix the situation. I was so embarrassed, she probably wasn’t even yelling at me.
Once I got my oil topped off so went to head into work. Not feeling 100% after 5 days of steroid infusions and now a cold. I’m suddenly just in this sad state of mind. Out of nowhere I’m sobbing!
I was diagnosed back in July of 2024. It’s been 4 months and I’m still trying to process this situation without thinking why me?
I never felt more alone and distant in a crowd of people. I smile but it’s empty. I look in the mirror and my eyes are empty. I’m always in pain, my body is doing all this weird stuff at odd times and I’m full of fear that I’ll be alone.
It’s embarrassing when you have to have your kids help you in and out of the bathroom, to stand up, to do everything. My house is filthy because I’m too sick to clean it and it makes me look lazy when everything in me wants to do but I just can’t!
I’m over this new normal already. Every day is becoming more and more of a struggle. I’m trying to keep my cup full of positivity as desperately as I can but even that is getting tough.
I want to be an advocate, I want to be advocated for. No one close to me is trying to support me with doctor’s visits or even learn the disease. I’m alone here, drowning! When I just want to be held and listened too. I’m so sad.
I’m so, so, sad.
Happily Ever Amber 