The more I live out this new life with MS, I’m noticing that I’m having difficulty speaking.
I could be expressing myself in conversation and lose what I wanted to say mid-sentence. There are times that in my brain I know exactly what I want to say, I can picture the words, I know what the word I want to say means but I can’t quite remember the word or I do but I literally can’t speak. Then when the word does come I’d randomly stumble through it like a robot. I’ve heard other MSers call it glitching. Honestly that’s really the best way to describe it.
The crazy part is I’ll go right back to speaking normal once I got over that hump of weirdness. It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s definitely decreased my confidence.
How has this affected me?
I’ve noticed that I’ve become more introverted. I already was a homebody but now this speech problem on top of fatigue is daunting, I have this fear that if I get into a good flow of conversation, I’ll start “glitching” and almost every time I do.
When I do go and do something with people I’m not as talkative as I use to be. I’ve noticed I’ll make excuses to get out of conversations. I’ve started preferring texting over talking, it allows me to give my brain more time to process my thoughts. I noticed I prefer more quiet activities, like listening to music, doing a craft or watching a movie.
I’ve even gotten to where it’s difficult to read a book. I love to read. Sometimes I would read 2-3 books at one time. Now I’m lucky to get through one book without getting exhausted. Part of me might try audiobooks but then another part of me feels like MS has taken something else away from me that I enjoy and that’s difficult to get past but I’m working on it.
I’m not sure why my brain has decided to process like a turtle and it’s messed with my focus, concentration and memory. I’m trying to look past this as defeat and more importantly like an opportunity to modify these changes so that I can continue to thrive.
Happily Ever Amber 