I finally had my hysterectomy done and was off to a more positive light. I started feeling better after the first month, not having a menstrual cycle was definitely something I could get use too, but I still had sadness that made my heart ache, I couldn’t carry a child for the man that I love, ever! if we got married.

I dealt with all of those emotions for a good long while and from time to time, I still do. I was fine the first 8 months but then I started to experiencing anxiety out of nowhere. No matter what I did to calm my nerves I felt like a spastic mess! I was having trouble sleeping or I would sleep and still wake up tired. It was so bad that my memory started getting all fuzzy, I was literally an emotional wreck. I scheduled an appointment with my primary care physician.

The one thing she noticed was that my white blood cell count was low. She wasn’t really worried about it but said she would keep an eye on it. She gave me something to help with the anxiety and started me on something else so that I could sleep.

For a while I started feeling like a human again, I was starting to get some rest and I wasn’t as emotional.

I still felt a little fatigued at the end of the day. I didn’t think much of it other than my body trying to get use to living a life without a uterus.

In 2019 I had the worst periods on the planet. My entire body was i. Excruciating pain all the way through to my bones, I felt like I lost half the blood in my body and there wasn’t a midol in sight that could relieve my distress.

At one point it got so bad that I swear we cleared out CVS with every pain patch for periods, the thickest pads possible and all the midol in site. My insides literally felt like they were twisting and tearing me apart. I just wanted to be balled up and unmovable for days.

I’m showing pics from a road trip that I was on to tell more of my story.

On my way home I started spotting and I didn’t know why. It wasn’t quite time for my period but then my stomach started cramping and within a few hours I started bleeding. my cycle came early. By the time we got back to Dallas my stomach was extremely bloated like the blood was piling up in my uterus. It was horrible pain! Since I’m use to having terrible cycles I thought nothing of it, but the next morning, I immediately went to the ER and found out that I had 38 fibroid tumors!! Some actively bursting while on my period. I made an appointment with my gynecologist and let them know what was going on. She got me in within a day.

Then Time Stood Still…

I made it to my appointment with my gynecologist, I was a little freaked out but I had hope that she could get me back on track. Then the question came:

Doctor:

“ Do you plan on having more children?”

Me:

“ Yes, I would like to have at least one more, if me and my boyfriend get married.”

I saw the look in her eyes. Full of compassion and sorrow at the same time. She told me that she can remove the fibroids and strip my uterus (I can’t remember what it was called but basically thin out the thick lining I apparently had). I instantly thought, ok let’s do that and when can we get this scheduled.

There was a huge BUT coming because she gave me that “smile” like I was a little girl sharing her future dreams in a crashing world. Then she said it, she could do that procedure, but if I were to get pregnant my baby could be still born and I could die trying to give birth. The risks were just to high. She said other things but at this point I was stuck on still birth and death.

Then she said it, we need to consider a hysterectomy. My entire world went silent. All I saw was her lips moving while my future felt like it was fading. My dreams of having a child with a man that I loved so deeply. Ruined.

One thing I did know, I couldn’t continue suffering every month. I was at a high risk and even if I went with the fibroid removal the stakes were so high that I’d be right back on the table again, having the same procedure. She said that she can save my ovaries because they looked really good. I could still have babies if I wanted to, by using surrogacy.

That appointment was a lot. I went home and prayed about it. I talked to my boyfriend. Then by the time I saw her the following week, my decision was made.

I was going to have the fibroids removed.

When I went back to my doctor, I was ready to share my answers. More results came back and things were worse than what I thought.

Before I knew it my Hysterectomy was scheduled May 2019.